his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize