His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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