I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
