Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
