I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
