Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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