Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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