Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
