Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
