I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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