6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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