You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
