Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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