if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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