I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
