To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
