We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
