I puked a lego.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
