I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
where are you?
Hypothermia
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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