I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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