I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
