I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i wish my penis had a tongue
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
