I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
