I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize