tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
