I accidentally burped into my bong.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
