You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize