Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
