She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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