Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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