just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
