she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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