did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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