p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
