just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
