i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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