Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize