Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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