fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
