according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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