if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
