i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
