Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
