i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
