I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
