i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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