Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
please come you make the beer taste better
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
