he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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