So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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