What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
