well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
