Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
