She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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