when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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