I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
