I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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