Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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