I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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