dude i'm inner monologue high
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
