I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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