just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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