look no pants
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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