If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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