I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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