I was born with a shot glass in my hand
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
