dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
