Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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