I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
