If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
